Decision

What? Which?
How? When?
Where?
But, what if…?

The next moment
is obscure,
consequences
concealed.

I weigh harder.

At last,
blindly
I go for it!

What if…?

Ssshhh…

Face it!

Then,

enjoy

or

endure!

Crossroads

 

At this point

I start wondering –

What have I done?

Have I been doing it right?

Is there an undo option?

Can I start all over again?

Where are the roads?

Through the gloom I grope around.

They say there is light at the end

But for me seeing is believing.

I am waiting for my albatross.

Or have I already killed it?

Am I being plagued by its spirit?

Yearning

Given up grumbling
And taken up yearning.
Yearning for the impossible.
Wait a minute – impossible?

My body is weighing me down.
The weight loss didn’t help,
The dropping BMI doesn’t satisfy.
I now relate better to the anorexic.
Not just a size zero,
but only zero weight would gratify.

The vast universe is calling
But with this demanding body –
a liability – how far can I go?
I don’t care about eating,
cleaning, rest – I’ve no time!

My soul, too enormous,
has been squeezed into this fragile form
Where he chokes, frantically knocks,
And moans in distress.

I beg him to wait
till I’m done with my chores.
Till tomorrow? Next year?
Till my kids have grown up?
I don’t know!
But he is in misery, he signals.
Every earthly moment kills.

The universe is calling!

I dream of blending in with it
Feeling its infinity with each atom.
Atom? Or just energy?

Whatever!

The universe keeps calling,
My soul is desperate
Awaiting deliverance!

Grumbler

Boredom gnaws,
but I won’t give up.

Determined,
I set out
on this journey –
from room to room.
This room, that room,
the other room – the end.

Still resolved.
Reading, cooking,
Cleaning, writing,
Creating – Repeat.

Yoga!
Yoga for relaxation,
Yoga for flat belly,
Power yoga –
Two sessions a day!

YouTube! Veganism,
minimalism, feminism…
Blogs, hmmm…
Facebook, ugh!

I open the windows
only to close it –
struck by the desert summer.

How long
shall I hang on?!

Digital Parting

They smiled,
Hugged,
Danced,
Ate,
Cried
Shook hands
Bid good bye
All to the camera,
And for the camera!

The digital brains
Brimming with images, memories;
The real brains and hearts left to starve
Craving images, sounds, feelings, touches-
The neglected, wasted senses.

Who cares!
We are all busy
‘Acting out’ our lives.

Waiting: Story 1

“Good! Next, you there, read out your answer, please.” F stood up and started preparing to read. Everything looked just fine, so far, but nobody knew those were the initial peaceful minutes of a slight thriller. Seconds passed by, and she was still preparing to read. A chuckle started to spread all over the class. The busy teacher became curious, and before losing herself to anger, confirmed F had been (physically and emotionally) all right. The friends had no evidence to prove it otherwise. F grew more pathetic and looked at her neighbour helplessly. The teacher, holding on to her last vestige of self-control, tried to encourage her to read. But alas, nothing happened! F was alarmingly quiet as if someone had accidentally pressed her mute button. She miserably gestured something to her friend who failed to decipher it. Already about five precious minutes from those final periods of the Term had been spent in anticipation of an answer that seemed infinitely remote. The  chuckling had by now given way to a perplexed, uneasy silence. Ms. J. , unable to take it any more, stormed out of the class passing this verdict – “Call me when you are ready!” The confused class almost let out a cry, shocked by the disconcerting turn of events.

***

Ms.  J. was at sea. Unlike many previous occasions, that day there was no homework defaulter, leaving no reason for the girls to worry about, or the teacher to take out her vehement sermon the nth time in two months. What must have gone wrong?

As Ms. J. sat there in her room, they arrived – F escorted by the beneficent school leader who of late had been sincerely carrying out her role as the helping angel for the ill-fated ones. “Teacher, she will read it.” Ms. J. readily agreed to the compromise. The angel was asked to leave. F looked desperate to let go the only shield against the  likely onslaught of the annoyed teacher. Having no time to risk that favourable twist, F was released too.

***

No other story might have had a smoother ending. The teacher got back to the class, F read out her answers and the teacher continued from where she had stopped as if nothing had gone wrong.

But Ms. J is still waiting – for F to explain it all to her, someday.

A Blessing For One Who Is Exhausted, by John O’Donohue

A Blessing For One Who Is Exhausted, by John O’Donohue.

In Love

Falling in love
So late!
Better late!

Was gravitation responsible
In any way?

It was there all along
Only that they ‘fell’ in it now.
They had been too rigid and smart
To ‘fall’ into that humble, heavenly pit.

Now, being more flexible,
The pit can hold them.
They have mellowed
Comfortably!

So what about their form,
Their identity?
Who cares!

For the time being
They are two jolly good fellows.
That’s all they know,
All they need!

Who needs honesty?

I am obsessed with honesty –
Two-way.
Excuse me if I sound
‘Holier-than-thou’.

It’s a wretched addiction,
An unfair expectation,
And a crazy passion,
An unrequited act.

Should I be so unrelenting?
Need I go mad
When others swerve?

Deeds of dishonesty
Are often left unfurled
Right on my way,
Just for me to see.
It’s a hoax, I fear.

The bull sees red
And goes hysterical!

Why not put an end
To this cruel game?

Let them do it,
But do me a favour –
Make me blind to it!

Visitors

She just came in
and decided to stay.

So prying
She followed me everywhere.
Though I was busy,
She was adamant
And held me captive.

And she left
Discourteously.

When? How?
Who knows!

And then came in another –
Yet another familiar face,
Just familiar.

My mind, the indulgent guard
Opens the fence gate and
Lets them in often
without my knowledge.

Will they be thinking of me?
Is there some link?
Does it matter?
So who’s next?