Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?
How come I miss you so?

At times I store stories to share
Keep doubts to clear.
Then I remember,
And I shudder.

All my life I believed
Death is normal
Something that’ll fade out soon
After which I could be myself.

But you had carved and occupied
This large a niche in my heart
Empty now.

Do you like the colour of your grave?
I chose the colours
We gave special instructions
To your friend, the painter.
I know how carefully you made
The grave with your own hands,
Years back…
The outside looks beautiful,
I wonder how it feels in there…

How silly I am –
You are not there…
The song reminded me

Still, do you hear me, Papa?

13 responses to “Can you hear me?

  1. I am sure he hears you and is looking upon you always..

    Hugs your way.. Take care

  2. Bindu, I often talk to those I love who have gone on before me. I think this is a natural inclination. We cannot know whether they hear us, but it is comforting to know they are not in that grave. I am so thankful you had such a loving father, it’s a blessing that stays with us always.

    • Thank you, Julia. There are a lot of customs and practices that disappear along with the dead one. It’s a hurting realization that life won’t be the same in the absence of that person.

  3. These are beautifully honest thoughts Bindu, exactly the thoughts that run through our minds when we’ve lost someone so close – I remember them well! The people we love, especially our parents, no matter if we got on with them well in life or not, it’s a long process of letting them go. And perhaps in a way, we never really do let them go. It’s been 11 years since my mother died and 7 years since my father died, and it really doesn’t feel that long at all! Although I would say those feelings of loss are greatly diminished – but there are moments when it all floods back, just for a few minutes and then it’s gone. I don’t mind those moments, they are very cleansing for the spirit, and probably very essential to a healthy state of mind.

    And it is strange how we have thoughts of our loved one in a coffin, but you are so right – they are not there. Whether someone believes in God or not or an after life or not, the only thing left behind of that person is a shell, the carrier of the life force, and the life has left.

    That is a beautiful song of Hayley Westenra! Some of her song remind me of my Dad too, he really loved Hayley’s lovely voice.

    Your last line reminds me of Barbara Streisand’s song Papa Can You Hear Me? A really wonderful song from the film ‘Yentl’. And there is another related song – my favourite song in that film called Piece Of Sky where she also sings the line Papa can you hear me? You might find them inspiring if you haven’t heard them before. But they are quite emotional songs, so best to watch them on a good day! 🙂

    • I fully agree. May be we are not crying any more. But thoughts and memories keep flooding in at times. And those memories will be different for each one of the siblings. As I find a lot of myself in my father I cannot avoid thinking of him whenever I find me behaving like him. And there are certain stories which nobody else can enjoy better. Whenever I mend things I tell my daughter grandpa used to do it the same way. And it is a personal grief – intangible even our my family members.
      “no matter if we got on with them well in life or not” – you’re right, Suzy. I never thought I would miss him so much. But these are vacancies that can never be filled. I won’t say he was an ideal father (neither would he). I cannot blame him, for I don’t consider myself a perfect mother.
      I can see how you miss your parents still. Glad to know your father loved Heyley’s songs – what a coincidence there! And I have not heard any of those songs. I must listen to them – I love melancholy songs. Thanks a lot for sharing! I always appreciate your words- keep visiting…

  4. I believe that when you trust someone and make them a part of your life, you give them a part of yourself. It is only when they go far away that you realise that. Then you miss them. When you give yourself away so much that there is nothing left you…I guess…die……

    • True, Aparna. But it is sad that we have to wait till they die to realize what they were, to us.

      • That is true….but there is a little thing I do as a remedy. I think of all the people who mean a lot to me when I have some lone time. It helps a lot.

      • Good that you are capable of finding remedies for your problems. May be that’s what we grown-ups are incapable of, sometimes. The feelings are mixed – regret, guilt, grief, helplessness…Have to live with them till time alleviates everything.

  5. Very touching! A daughters bond with her dad is eternal. Yes I am sure he continues to bless you! Take care.

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